How to Manage Arguments in Friendship
Friendship is an important factor in our lives. Keeping true friends is a challenging task. Here are tips to manage arguments in friendships, to keep the relationship healthy and alive. How do you manage your friendships?
It would be great if we can write a want-advertisement for a perfect friend and someone with the exact characteristics we advertised would respond. It's a wonderful thought. Unfortunately it doesn't happen in the real world. There are times when we hit it off with someone and the relationship flourishes. Even then, most good friendships develop over years. However, even this eventually blows up, leaving us over and over again to wonder, what have I done wrong?
It's not easy to maintain friendships and sometimes friends disappoint. This makes it more difficult to work out who our friends are. Over time our interests may change, which can mean our common interests have diminished, and eventually, ending the friendship may be the best thing. Some hang on. Others let go and move on.
How then can we maintain a wholesome relationship with our best or close friends? One that I consider important in friendship is how to manage arguments in friendship.
Sharing ideas and opinions with each other is part of friendship. Disagreement is normal and these differences may lead to arguments. Perhaps we have had a bad day or our friend did. Tempers flare up, not necessarily meant for each other. We feel hurt and angry. We could be disappointed when we disagree. These feelings make it difficult to manage disagreements, but working through them can make friendships stronger.
To manage arguments and help resolve disagreements with friends, here are significant suggestions that come to mind:
Understand and Accept Differences – Understanding what our friend has to say and accepting differences in opinion give us a good place to start. Doing this allows both parties to air different opinions, and most important is, through understanding each other we are able to agree or agree-to-disagree. Just as we want to be respected, we need to respect our friend's point of view, and this, even if we don't see eye to eye.
Let Your Friend Know How You Feel - It is helpful to let your friend know how you feel. Talk it out. Keeping our pent up feelings to ourselves will most likely make us angrier. It is a good idea to speak to him or her when you are both calm. If it helps, write down your thoughts first before talking to your friend. This can help clear up what you want to say. Perhaps a cooling-off period might even be necessary.
Listen actively to your friend - Be a good listener by concentrating on what your friend is trying to say, instead of already thinking of what you are going to rebut. Try to avoid moralizing or to offer a patronizing attitude. Allowing our friends to tell their side of the story is helpful in managing arguments. Sometimes it is tempting to interrupt. Instead, we should try and wait until they have finished what they have to say.
Avoid blaming - When we are hurt and angry it is normal to want to blame someone. Laying blame can make a situation harder. It is helpful to stay focused on resolving the disagreement at hand. Let us say "I'm sorry" sincerely, if necessary.
No matter how we try to keep our friendships, there is always an element of expectation although our friends, or we, may not accept this upfront. In fact, friends seldom express this openly to each other. No, not even best of friends. Keeping true friends is a challenging task. However, managing the unavoidable arguments makes it easier with practice. It can only help keep our friendships healthy and alive.